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yesterday I wrote a really long thing to go with my post. part of it was about how much I hated my hair and part of it was about how I was focusing on hating my hair to avoid thinking about how much I hate fathers day. Today I got up looked in the mirror and I like my hair a LOT. I put gobs of gel in it before going to sleep so now it is sticking up like a case of bad morning hair and I am so pleased. I won't go on and on about my hair. I will just say that right now at this moment as I type this I do in fact like my hair vary much. I do hate fathers day. I am about to go make pancakes for the father of my children and for my children and for me. I love him. As for my fathers. I have 2 one a step father who was a sick messed up man that probably is long dead but I have no way of knowing because his name is so common I can't really look him up and when I moved out he had absolutely no interest in staying in touch with me which in retrospect I think I am grateful he had no interest in me once I moved out because the interest he had in me when we shared a home was really creepy and bad and toxic. My biological father. I don't know what to say about him so I will just say nothing about him for now. I may go put just a bit more gel in my hair and see if I can't make it a little more fluffy and then I will go make pancakes.

Last night my head hurt a lot where my brother once pulled out a handful of hair leaving a small blood bald spot. One some level I do very much just want to shave my head as my way of swearing at fathers day. One some level some of the very young ones of me would desperately like hair long enough to braid. What happens to the hair will be decided later,

I hope that you are having an ok day.